Ever notice how it's the little things in life that amuse us so much? More to the point, ever notice how it's the silly little idiocies in life that amuse us more than anything else? Well, this is not as much ''the little blog that could'' as it is ''the blog that enjoys going up the down escalator in your local mall.'' Will it have anything of real importance? No, probably not. But enjoy the ride never the less!

 
Tonight's Special Guest Star: Mr. Skullhead

Good idea: having an unexpected knock on your door, and upon opening it you are wordlessly handed a can of Root Beer that you never even asked for or were even remotely expecting. Apparently I did something good to appease the Root Beer gods....

Bad idea: drinking a large Iced Cappuchino from Williams at 10 in the evening. Unless of course, heart palpitations around the midnight hour are considered a good thing where you're from.

Today's Lesson: late-night caffeine is good only for graveyard shifts or 15-page term papers due the next day.


posted by Phillip at 4:53 PM

 
Shades of Eric Clapton

The bathroom is white. Horribly, horribly white. The bathtub is white. The toilet is white. The counter is white. The floor is white. The walls are an off-white with a hint rouge, but that might as well be white. The scale is white. The vanity cabinet is white. The ceiling is white and kind of spackly (if that’s even a word, and if it was, it would be a white word). The shower curtain is white. The garbage can is white. Hell, even the vertical blinds covering the window are white!

Shady, my Shih-tzu, has fur of an off-white colour. She curled up next to the wall while I was in the bathroom, and suddenly I couldn’t see her.

There used to be colour in the bathroom, but apparently everything not white is out for cleaning. Gone is the crimson outer shower curtain. Gone are the red shag bathroom mats. Gone is the cute little green plant sitting inside a disused Tim Horton’s mug. Now the only hint of colour left to be seen is from the plunger, and that’s hiding behind the toilet.

The bathroom now has this fresh, antiseptic hospital feel to it. Either that, or this is some ridiculous literal meaning to seeing things as only black and white. Or in this case, white and off-white.

I hope colour is restored to the bathroom soon. Every time I walk out of there, I feel all celestial and shiny, and it’s a very disconcerting feeling.


Today’s Lesson: ‘spackle’ is a word, while ‘spackly’ is not (at least according to the spell-checker).


posted by Phillip at 6:18 AM

 
The Prosecution Rests, Your Honour...

The Defense: http://www.petoffice.co.jp/catprin/english/#top

The Prosecution: http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp05312003.html


Today's Lesson: it's pretty much self-explanatory here, folks.


posted by Phillip at 3:13 PM

 
King of the Jungle...and the Dust Bunnies

I had a most peculiar dream last night. It involved me discovering the safest bed in the world. It was a bed where you could slip in between the covers, and snooze soundly without ever having to worry about anyone trying to come in and attack you. Why? Well, apparently the safest way to sleep is to have a lion under your bed. Don't ask me the logistics of this, it's a dream, and I don't think it was designed to make sense.

There's this very specific mental image I have of the bed, which resembles one of those futon couches you can convert into beds, and it came with a nice, slick, black metal frame. And underneath it, sleeping soundly, is a lion. I don't know how the lion managed to get crammed under there, let alone find a comfortable position for sleeping. But I still can recall how its hind legs just stuck out from beneath the bed.

What boggles me is how in the dream I considered this a perfect sensible means of home security, and not once did it seem to cross my mind that perhaps the lion, being carnivorous and all, might pose more of a threat to me than any burglars could. Though the lion's hind legs sticking out from the bed looked distinctly animatronic. Maybe that's how I could justify sleeping above one of the most impressive land hunters in the world.

Today's Lesson: apparently, lions don't snore when you dream about them.


posted by Phillip at 2:26 PM

 
Bride of Torso Crackers!!!

A number of you may recall a recent rant involving the dog treats called People Crackers, and how the last box I bought had nothing but broken crackers/body parts. Well, yesterday I purchased another box, and discovered that most of the People Crackers in this new box are either severed heads or decapitated bodies.

This is getting ridiculously morbid.

In other news, my room smells like Cheerios. I don't know why that is, since I ate Corn Flakes today--though not with chocolate milk. This Cheerio-scented conspiracy worries me, since it's been ages since I've even eaten the cereal. To my knowledge, there are no Cheerios in the house. Are the Cheerio gnomes playing tricks with me? Are they trying to subconsciously force me to gorge myself on nothing but Cheerios? Or are the Cheerio gnomes perhaps responsible for beheading all my People Crackers?

The world may never know....

Today's Lesson: when in doubt, blame the gnomes.



posted by Phillip at 8:56 AM

 
The "Whaaaa?!" Link(s) of the Week!

http://www.weirdco.com/mickeymousevibrator.htm

http://www.weirdco.com/winniethepoohvibrator.htm


Today's Lesson: just because it's got the Disney name on it, doesn't necessarily mean it's fun for the whole family...
posted by Phillip at 4:51 PM